Find More Joy and Less FOMO

Easy ways to feel better

Photo by Austin Schmid on Unsplash

---

Please consider subscribing. This helps my publication become more visible on the wild Internet.

---

This is not an anti-technology sermon. I come close to preaching on the over-reliance on technology, but I am really more aggrieved at modernity than technology itself. Luckily, for both of us, none of those things mentioned are the topic of this story.

Have you ever lost your cell phone for an hour or longer? Heck, it really does not even take that long to begin to fall into a panic. I have and have seen someone close to me lose her phone for about half a day.

If one retraces her steps, looks under every rock, couch, recliner, and all else, and clearly determines that the sought-after possession cannot be located, then the fear is ratcheted up a few notches. In this case, reinforcements were called in to search for “the precious.” Oh, and dusk was turning to night.

The fall of darkness made things much worse, because the area of possible recovery included the driveway and walkway to the front door. Anyway, to make a long story a bit shorter, the precious was found only because of having a beeping detection system. We followed the sound across the street to a place where ground had clearly been disturbed. It turns out the dog stole the mobile phone and buried it. Yep.

A sigh of relief could be felt and heard among the search party. No harm done, but there were several hours of disconnection between this person and the rest of the world. This is basically what I want to talk about.

Specifically, the subject is JOMO, which stands for Joy of Missing Out. I guess this is a few years old, but I had not heard about it until yesterday. JOMO is like the Jedi, good guy mindset opposed to the more familiar, and Sith, bad guy, dark-side approach to life known as FOMO.

JOMO is one of those beliefs that suits me well and that I should have invented. Yes, there is definitely good things we can savor by being unplugged instead of in the thick of the messes that happen every day.

I confess that most of my life has been spent trying to declutter and remove what I wish was not inside my head. I am trying to say that having to choose what activity has taken up most of my time on earth, possibly even more than sleeping, my answer is purposely attempting to miss out on most things. This mission is difficult.

Anxiety and other mental disorders create racing thoughts in many people, your author included. Every bit of information is evaluated, compared, and evaluated again in a cycle that is difficult to control. I take things literally and will remember what someone else told me who forgot it as soon as it left their lips. Overload is constant.

Everyone, like human beings, the Internet, and talking robots, tries to inform you what is happening at all times. Really, people are the worst. I wish there were not so many without tact and forethought who lack the ability to judge what is important and what is not.

How many people in your life do you actually care about enough to make wishing them a happy birthday a priority? Your answer is less than the number of times Facebook or some other application reminds you to say something to one of your “friends” on their special day.

Most people are not actually friends, and friendships are overrated anyway. Speaking to someone on your friends list becomes just another social ritual we have no sincere interest in but feel obliged to do. We are conspicuous if we do not say “Happy Birthday.” Also, there are other mandatory things we must type about someone’s child, for one example, or risk losing an ally.

And that is what online friendships really are—strategic partnerships to accomplish some goal, maintain a status quo, or group gossip about someone mutually disliked.

We are also constantly bombarded with situations we can do nothing about. In mental health, every doctor or therapist maintains that people must not worry about what we cannot change. This is very helpful to remember.

So-called friends and various acquaintances unload on other people and expect them to have an opinion on one of their personal issues. Most often, there is nothing that can be said about a spouse who won’t listen, a child who is being too unruly, a complaint about a boss, or etc.

I mean we offer something kind of lame and obvious in reply, but I still feel a little downhearted when I cannot solve every problem. Yes, this is a failing on my part. But it’s my nature. We are better off not hearing about situations we cannot affect. It is sometimes better to remain in the dark and ignorant of the highs and lows of others’ lives.

I do not like to be bullied, and I bet you feel the same. Now, what I am going to say is a mild form of bullying, but I believe it nevertheless qualifies. Almost daily, well let’s say weekly on average, some other human being expects us to act as a pre-programmed, vessel of validation. Just push the right button, and we will acquiesce to whatever you feel is right and blame whomever you feel is wrong.

“Isn’t she awful,” says X, expecting Y to consent to his or her opinion without any moment of second-guessing. On a similar note, we are swept into political debates without our consent, both online and in person. Not having a point of view makes others see you with disgust and/or bewilderment. One might feel like an irresponsible citizen of America for not professing his or her strongly-held position on some matter of importance.

I am here to remind that you do not have to take any stand. Do not succumb to the peer pressure even when the matter in question is indeed worthy of your time. You need not have an opinion on everything. Also, no one should put you in the spotlight if you do not wish to be at that particular time.

Now that pressure has been added to the mix, let us talk about texting for a minute. Texting is the most frequent and consistently aggravating form of passive-aggression mankind has yet discovered. It allows us no lifeline, no means of escape from confrontation, and no route to find the joy in missing out.

Someone texts me knowing that I have to respond eventually. It is forced engagement into an arena without body language or any obvious method to stall or end the conversation. Everyone knows you received the text no matter what excuse might be hatched. It just sits there looking up at you, and you know that one response might herd you into a conversation that might take an entire afternoon.

For those who put away their Internet connections for a day, or for a weekend, their relief at having done so is really just JOMO. When we refuse to be held hostage by the scroll, or set communication boundaries, and anything of this nature, we are finding the pleasure in the escape from the pressure to know and participate.

Well, participate is really the key word. Dear reader, you are likely smart and informed, and there is no reason to change that. But FOMO is really a burden you put on yourself, as defined and stirred up by others, to be part of the daily information dump. The pressure is a false narrative.

We all should be inclined to take care of those things that matter to us the most, including what we can actually affect with our words and actions. JOMO should lead to better health and more relaxation. Missing out is really just buying in to your purpose, passions, hobbies, family, and all else that you prize as sacred.

Fear is the most important and least necessary part of FOMO. Left alone, we are not afraid of missing out; it is the pressure we allow others to place on our shoulders that creates the problem. Treat FOMO as a coat that does not fit or is too ugly. Do not wear it. Look for the joy instead, and stay in that place as long as you can.

---

THANKS FOR READING. IT IS IMPORTANT TO ENGAGE. MOST OF ALL, I AND OTHERS ARE ABLE TO CONTINUE WRITING ONLY WITH SOME MEASURE OF POSITIVITY IN THE FORM OF LIKES AND SUBSCRIPTIONS. TRY OUT A SUBSCRIPTION FOR FREE, READ SOME STORIES, AND SEE IF YOU LIKE IT.