1. You determine your actions by choosing how you react to things.
2. Be who you are.
3. Restore yourself often by doing activities you enjoy.
4. Your emotions are always valid, but you must understand them.
5. Make boundaries that others must respect.
6. Be mindful how you affect others and how others affect you.
7. Keep connected to sources of authenticity and inspiration.
8. Self-esteem is essential and non-negotiable.
9. You cannot control the world or other people.
10. Seeking help is always okay and never shameful.
1. You determine your actions by choosing how you react to things.
This is the golden rule of mental health, and one finds it stated in different forms. The words can change as long as the following is communicated: no one can force you to wallow in negativity, or lose yourself in anger, unless you let them. Whatever happens, every individual retains the power to respond in his or her own way.
The golden rule should be liberating, but it is not easy. Sometimes we give others that power to control us due to an endless number of factors such as manipulation, guilt, or trauma. Yet, this is always a facade. If you have loaned your power to someone else, begin now to take it back. You may need professional help with that mission, and that is okay.
2. Be who you are.
Simple in many ways, but this commandment takes some folks almost a lifetime to conquer. Finding yourself is the same as creating an accurate and sustainable identity. So many things are thrown at us at every stage of life, and we feel like we have to be many things, to many people, all the time.
The compartmentalization of life is the enemy of identity. We all do it. Living can feel like having a closet full of masks we wear in order to placate others and become successful. Masks can be useful on the practical level, but every human being should have a self-defined inner vision of who they are. This identity is never compromised. That is what it means to be who you are.
3. Restore yourself often by doing activities you enjoy.
Folks from every background forget things in the tumult of living with obligations and demands coming faster than we can handle them. What do we save for last? What are those activities, and that time, that we easily forego in order to meet responsibilities that are supposedly more important?
Too often, people rank themselves and their favorite things last on life’s to-do list. We compromise what really is essential to our health in order to be the perfect wife, husband, boyfriend, or etc.
You must take part in what makes you whole (very much like Commandment 2) and do those things that feed the mind and spirit. Often, we refer to what I intend here as pursuing hobbies. Well, restoring yourself is not a hobby, not really, because it means that you are doing what comes natural. Partaking in your passions is what you were born to do—and you were not meant to feel overstressed most of the time.
Make time for you and what you want to do, because nature and your good health demand it.
4. Your emotions are always valid, but you must understand them.
It is common for an adult to mourn how their emotions as a child were not taken seriously. Or, one person in a relationship complains that their partner undervalues their feelings. This is very serious.
You have a right to your emotions. They are real no matter how illogical, and we must accept and get to know them. This last part is the key. Every person needs to understand where our emotions come from and what purpose they serve. And, there is always some reason they are there even if that reason is inconvenient. Anger is often your best-guess reaction when a different emotion is less accessible or harder to convey. Therefore, anger is often a veil that is hiding something else.
For example, if someone get angry at the slightest intimation of disrespect, this reaction probably stems from some childhood trauma. Maybe he never felt respected by people around him, or low self-esteem might be to blame. Whatever the case, find the source of your feelings in order to start the healing process.
5. Make boundaries that others must respect.
Boundaries have become a popular term that people love to discuss. The word is just a port of entry that highlights the importance of establishing self-worth and demanding that others respect who we are.
Our actions reveal our boundaries, and most people learn them just from interacting with us. Then, there are the unfortunates who do not care about our boundaries or are too thickheaded to sense when they are crossing a line.
The following is very important. Make sure that boundaries are clear and verbalize them if you must. A person who crosses boundaries will never stop doing so unless he or she is taught better. Write down your boundaries in detail, because sometimes we cannot specify why something bothers us in the moment.
6. Be mindful how you affect others and how others affect you.
Believe it or not, most people live five feet at a time. That is, what is real is immediately in front of them, and they do not think with rigor. You want to practice mindfulness until it becomes your natural state of being at all times.
Mindfulness is really just being sensitive to your surroundings—and that includes you as part of them. Boorish people go from one setting to another unaffected by what people are doing and how they have influenced others by their presence. The more aware you become, the more the feelings of other people will register in your mind.
As you learn to feel the mood of the room, and become tuned in to everything, you will learn more about you and those little things that can brighten or diminish your day. Basically, one learns what he likes and does not, and self-knowledge increases. You will become more confident about your boundaries, as well.
7. Keep connected to sources of authenticity and inspiration.
Each person can have a personalized definition of what authenticity means. So, that is not a problem. Think about the opposite of all the drudgery that life thrusts upon you. So, I am talking about waiting in line at the grocery store, answering all those required emails, talking to people you had rather not, and any repetitive or mind-numbing tasks that are not important in the big picture.
A person might be the link you need to retain focus on what really matters. Perhaps ideas or places represent authenticity, or maybe you find that source through books or a hobby. The authentic is what you want to do that carries more weight than drudgery, has some significant impact, and feeds the inspired, thoughtful parts of your soul. Mental illness tends to erode your connections to authenticity before you realize it, and so you must be on your guard.
Even if you feel your life is not very authentic, you will be alright as long as the lifeline to the real remains viable. Inspiration will come too. Sometimes we have to keep recharging ourselves with inspiration wherever we can find it, until that time we can rearrange life closer to our mind’s ideal.
8. Self-esteem is essential and non-negotiable.
Too little self-esteem is the fundamental deficiency behind most mental health troubles. It is a problem for society as well as the individual, and so it is no surprise that low self-esteem causes all kinds of awful outcomes. Until we like ourselves more, the world will never change for the better.
Conversely, healthy self-esteem is the single greatest ambition that produces the most consistent results, for any person working toward having a happier life. So, if you are unsure where to start on self-improvement, begin by practicing loving that person in the mirror and accepting all (including shortcomings) that you are. Yes, I believe it does take practice.
Low self-esteem is the main reason bullies, narcissists, and malignant manipulators exist. What is really the driving force influencing folks to harm themselves? You guessed it: self-esteem issues.
Self-esteem does not only mean that one believes he is good and deserves good things to happen. More than that, we should also respect who we are without qualifications. Love and respect are not the same, as I am sure you are aware, dear reader. Anyone who demeans you and imperils your self-esteem is not a friend, loved one, or a person who should be hanging around your life.
I do not know why self-esteem is not at least a few weeks of lessons in every primary school.
9. You cannot control the world or other people.
Now is the time for panic, according to every news outlet, talking head, and countless people who write headlines and stories online. People are very angry, and that feeling is legitimate. However, we have limited options to affect change on a major scale. So, hold off on the nervous breakdown or any act you will later regret.
Oh yeah, and we cannot control others—not even those we love. If you are a writer then you realize that most people you know will not pay attention to most of your work. Yeah, it is sad but true. So, we cannot even persuade people close to us to do something, and this alone should be sufficient enough to awaken us to reality.
Desiring control is not always a bad sign and could instead be evidence of a zealous want to improve situations and people. You might have high standards, expect the same from others, and get frustrated.
However, we cannot make the world in our image. We will surely fail at giving a makeover to everything we see, so try to be satisfied with small gains. I have to remind myself this all the time, as a neurodivergent, INFJ, teacher.
10. Seeking help is always okay and never shameful.
Mental health shaming is real and not just something from a story set in the 1960s. It is likely to always exist.
The resources for help are plentiful if we count websites and call lines. If we do not, then mental health treatment options can be sparse and uncompromising. In addition, there are plenty of people who reject help from fear of bearing a stigma.
I have never heard any person who suffered as a child say, “I wish there were fewer people willing to guide me along, offer advice, or help me find someone to talk with.” That person does not exist. What one often hears is the opposite.
It is okay to look for treatment regardless if you have done so in the past, or not. Everyone with or without a diagnosis might find themselves in a state of concern for their mental health.
These are good commandments that cover lots of ground. They are intended as the foundation for any person’s sound mental health. I hope they are helpful.
You've made a great list that encapsulates well the notions of mental health. Actually, I think 'mental health' is equal to 'how to live a good life', because we're always in the mind.
And that would be a nice idea, to learn about self-esteem in school!
I must share this wisdom with all of my world.