We Are Acting Our Lives Away

Is Marlon Brando right?

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Legendary actor Marlon Brando once said, “We’re all acting all the time. We couldn’t survive a second if we weren’t able to act. Acting is a survival mechanism. A social lubricant. We act to save our lives every day.” He was eccentric for sure but also very intelligent.

These words came after a television host prodded Brando to talk about his greatness as an actor, but he refused the host’s intimations. Instead, Brando answered that he was merely doing onscreen what all people do as a matter of living. We are actors and never even stop to analyze why and how.

Photo by Kyle Head on Unsplash

I rate this quote as something important and worthy of some analytical probing. In other words, the actor was speaking a great truth about human beings whether we take his statement literally or in some other way.

Surely something as essential as how people comport themselves and the motivations behind what they do is fundamental to mental health. In fact, I have no doubt about this.

I will state my truth and let you be the judge. One would probably perceive my take on the world as pessimistic. As the world revealed more of itself to me, my point of view of people-as-actors aligned with what Brando stated. In other words, I see a phony veneer all the time covering over how people engage with one another. However, I do not agree that everyone can act on screen like Brando. That idea is a farcical one.

Insincerity can be detected with every exchange and look. One must go searching for what people really feel and want. This is accurate, but the question remains how much we are actors on a daily basis. Is it practically all the time or merely situational and less frequent than Brando’s words suggest?

No one is born dishonest, as it is a habit that is acquired through a process of acculturating to the world we find. Yes, it depends on an individual’s environment as a child, as all things do.

At some point, one could argue, people grow more alike than different as we face similar challenges. Then perhaps dishonesty is merely the price of living among other human beings while sorting out how we will receive whatever we desire.

Is it possible not to be an actor and still live and thrive in human civilization? Or, is someone who is always sincere forced to live on the margins and apart from the mainstream culture?

Aren’t all relationships based on fakery—at least at first? Your pessimistic author thinks the answer is yes. We dare not expose who we really are to folks when we are trying to impress them. At the very least, it is true that people hope to display their best selves on dates. They are editing. We leave out some stuff and eagerly highlight other attributes and experiences that allow us to appear as normal or super-fantastic normal. No one wants to score high on the creepy meter, and everyone understands that can easily happen.

“Oh, I collect action figures,” some honest guy must have said, and that relationship died before it began.

A job interview is nothing but organized deception. The employer must speak about the job as if it is all rainbows and sunflowers, and the applicant must bolster his background and competency at all costs. It is a game, and all games are contrived and inherently inhuman.

Here is a question for you: Is it easier for someone to lie all the time or to tell the truth? That reminds me of a movie, actually, that can add to our discussion of acting as a human instinct.

Ricky Gervais starred in an excellent movie called The Invention of Lying. The setting was a world where everyone told the truth one hundred percent of the time until Gervais discovered that lying was possible. Overall, this alternate dimension was boring and predictable. “Films” were just someone reading facts from History.

Gervais realized that saying what is most advantageous instead of what is truthful can be a powerful tool. He even thinks about using his superpower to attract a love interest but ultimately decides that is immoral. The story makes a controversial statement about the afterlife, God, and how many people need to believe in both, but let’s not go there.

So the film leaves us questioning if life is not better when we act according to the needs of each situation we encounter. In other words, must we lie just to survive?

I believe this is where Brando was going with his comments. I reckon his term “social lubricant” indicates that acting is the thing that holds society together. In this way, without playing our parts civilization would begin to hemorrhage and fall apart. Thus, if we take this point of view, naked sincerity is not advisable in most situations.

People act to get what they want. I have never seen or been part of a social exchange where acting was missing from the moment. In the South, we learn earlier than most that every move and word is public and part of a grand spectacle where behavior must adhere to social status. A greeting is never just a greeting.

Not returning a “Hey how are you?” or a head nod could result in a fight. Yep. The South is not alone in this, as we find acting out prescribed roles in many places where tradition is still strong.

When we see others acting we feel obligated to do the same. Most understand their lives as a competition, and if so-and-so is acting to win a promotion, a friendship, or a romantic relationship, then others see and follow lest they fall behind in the race. The world is unfair, and we perpetuate dishonesty by walking in-step with the rest and acting our lives away.

Not all acting is a terrible thing, but the real bullet point to consider is: Have we traveled too far in the direction of insincerity? Is acting so prominent and common that we just do it without thinking? Say what? I heard someone speak up and mention the Internet. Oh my, acting on the Internet is too ingrained to warrant many words about it. Thus, I will just leave it right here.

However, I must highlight how those of us with mental illness are affected. Acting complicates things for better or worse, and this can be a daunting challenge to our already unique minds. My brain never allows me a day or even a few minutes off the rollercoaster, and I know for certain others can relate.

Neurodivergent folks will often misinterpret what they see or hear. Or, we are behind or way out in front of what is being said at any given moment. Some have trouble concentrating while others are overly obsessive with the literal meaning of every word. So in a nutshell, acting may not work and could have unintended consequences. And in a smaller nutshell, we do not need the hassle of added intrigue to the communication process.

I have vowed to end my reliance on acting. You should commit to doing so as well. The over-acting syndrome feeds on itself and sustains acting as the default response to most social situations. It infiltrates friendships.

One must first remove from the mind that voice that reminds to pay attention to what other people think. First of all, we cannot know others this intimately. We cannot find out what they are thinking, anyway. And, who cares?

The road to self-actualization does not tolerate actors traveling on it. It is also a fact that the more we behave only as ourselves the more we desire living this way. What about insignificant situations, like saying “I’m fine” after an acquaintance asks: “How are you?”

No. We can find other ways to avoid acting while not having a thirty-minute conversation and without dumping problems on people. If someone asks questions that are sensitive, and you had rather not answer them, then set and maintain this boundary. Express your preferences openly and as often as needed without hesitation or shame.

Several times I have responded with something like “Ya know, I am not comfortable talking about that subject.” You know what else? Nobody died. Nothing was broken or left in shambles.

Reduce acting in your life, unless you are genuinely interested in the craft as a professional. I must admit a fascination with acting and a want to try it. Inhabiting someone else seems lots of fun, but only on the stage, onscreen, or at the movies.

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