Freedom's Just Another Word

A Discussion of the Relationship Between Freedom and Loneliness

Everyone likes freedom. The word is universally respected, and countless revolutionaries have died with the word in their mouths.

People fight and struggle for rights, of course. But there are many forms of freedom, and each of us must have some opinion on having it. All the time, we make decisions that determine what role freedom has in our lives.

In America, the word is one of our favorites. We use it all the time. Actually, freedom or liberty is often spoken of with a religious kind of reverence. This is due to the American Revolution and our democratic form of government. Do not worry, because we are not reviewing History.

No, I want to talk about freedom on a very personal level with little regard for laws and political movements. Oh yeah, I must bring loneliness into our discussion here. Hopefully, you will see why.

Liberty and loneliness have a very important relationship, but they are not opposites. They can be only if a person chooses it.

It is fashionable to blame the Internet and video games for our present state of widespread isolation. Is this fair? Certainly, I believe there is truth here in this persistent observation.

Most want the freedom to go here instead of there and to do this and not that. For Joe Average, a job is very stressful and feels suffocating. Over time, most develop a resentment toward their employer even when the job is a good one. This is because most work situations reduce our freedom by compelling people to be at a particular place for so long. This alone is enough to make someone feel less than free.

The greatest freedom is choosing what kind of life we pursue, and this reduced to its essence means being whomever we choose to be. Someone’s identity invites religious, ethnic, professional, familial, and nationalistic considerations, and possibly more.

In Western Civilization it is said we can embark on any path that results in any kind of profession, lifestyle, or identity. Despite this, each of us are born into limitations. There is a family/culture dynamic in place that we must agree to or resist. This is when choices about freedom enter our lives, and they never leave.

Sometimes a last name carries with it an attachment to a specific type of work or lifestyle. We all know family can dictate one’s religious commitments. Apart from religion and profession, both men and women are pressured to adhere to a certain point of view, personality, or moral standard.

There is an apparatus in place that works to funnel young people toward some preset disposition. Many have encountered this, and as usual I speak mostly from a small town, rural point of view.

At some point in childhood, I noticed that older folks were always asking what I wanted to be. When they did, the subject of an older relative of mine often entered the one-sided conversation. In other words, I might have heard, “Well ____ was a _____, are you going to be like ____, too?”

People, intentionally or not, work to incorporate young members of a kinship group into the life of the family clan. And clan refers to all blood relatives plus any non-related folks somehow absorbed as unofficial members. We are prepared to be, as examples, a lawyer, an athlete, or a blue collar, salt-of-the-earth kind of person. Education might be emphasized or de-emphasized.

Arranged lives happen all the time without anyone noticing. Some invest in that arrangement and follow a familiar family path. Others decide on a life of freedom, and I believe there are hidden costs when this choice is made.

Also, the most common form of rebellion is the type with a thousand small, barely perceptible protests.

Every day, it becomes more apparent how unwanted solitude is a problem for the current world. At the same time, it is increasingly obvious that my record of loneliness has been a deleterious force shaping my life.

Author Milan Kundera wrote a remarkable and perfect thing about the paradox of freedom in his classic: The Unbearable Lightness of Being. He said, “And when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. What do you call it, freedom or loneliness?”

Therefore, I am encouraging you to think about my perception that freedom increases loneliness. There are no guarantees in my formula, nothing that dooms a person to a sad existence, but breaking from others’ expectations makes a person’s future less certain.

Freedom probably reduces a young person’s pool of potential husbands or wives. Think of it like this: Family A prefers to see their daughter with a male from Family B when each has chosen tradition over freedom. By the way, this is not the same as forced marriage.

In rural places, eyebrows are raised over small deviations from the norm. One might earn the title of strange or crazy simply by being what one desires to be. Also, this is the way society has designed it. There are reasons why people do not break from their assigned roles.

There is discomfort in freedom, so we can assume planned limitations offers the opposite. I am not exposing some nefarious scheme here. Most folks might have good intentions. Well, let’s say that the majority of human beings have selfish desires but not evil ones.

One will probably face an understated exclusion from the main currents of everything. One knows he exists on the outskirts of the group even when efforts are made to include him. That old story that people fear what they don’t understand will always be true. And the less one understands in a general sense, the more that same individual is unnerved by all that he does not understand.

Sensitive souls will invariably read disapproval from those they wish not to disappoint. Whether we admit it or not, those formative years and those people close to us will always play some part in our mental wellness or illness.

Some folks tend to think that when all things are properly in place, we are destined to become something preordained. Fatalism survives among the poor who hold traditionalist views more so than those in forward-thinking, upper-class communities. This has been researched and proven.

Dear reader, have you ever lived in a culture of fatalism? Have you perhaps just encountered fatalistic thinking here and there? I have. Some say we find this attitude toward life more so in my native South (U.S.), and others say this is not true.

Many in our world, yes from all over, maintain that we are meant to become like a parent or other close family member. If we are lucky, unlucky, curious, hot-tempered, friendly, unfriendly, or whatever, this can be traced back to our heritage and childhood environment.

I could not even guess how many people believe things like this. It is a significant number.

Fatalists expect us to be something, and they are troubled when we turn out to be anything different from that. Embracing individuality disturbs a fatalist. It upends their world, makes them insecure, and forces them to question reality. Once again, a vote for your freedom leaves you out on the island alone.

There are also sound reasons why traditional societies emphasize order and responsibility over freedom. Clan-identification is important, because it promises continuous manpower to the group of extended family.

Even more so, I think traditionalists demand loyalty as a kind of shield against the power of other clans. Diverging from one’s role is the same as disloyalty to every member of the family. Freedom might be selfish, then.

Dear reader, if you are thinking all that sounds old-fashioned and from some earlier century, you are correct. Yet, people retain parts of culture that we assume are antiquated. Besides, we are talking about how people actually think, and what they actually do, instead of what they state as an “official” policy.

Unfortunately, many value order over freedom. They probably have some fatalism somewhere within them. These are likely to label you as something for their own convenience and peace of mind. The world must be ordered in some way that allows them to feel a greater degree of ease.

Therefore, I feel loneliness will be, to some degree, the plight of those who grasp at freedom. Many positive things are also the result. For certain, I must be this strange person who has never fit in anywhere. I testify to you, dear reader, that loneliness is part of the price paid. But, there is no turning back now.

Now, freedom is comparably easy. Our options are diverse and easily accessible. So, does easy freedom correlate to a rise in the numbers of lonely people? What do you think?

I am certain that if we are to take mental health seriously, we cannot forsake the loneliness menace that is everyday stalking our world of technological wonders.

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Kundera, Milan. 1999. The Unbearable Lightness of Being. Translated by Michael Henry Heim. London, England: Faber & Faber.

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