If you had enough wealth to do whatever you wanted, would you embrace the world or hide from it? You must answer one of these and not ride the fence.
Well, actually you do not have to do anything, but I suggest you play along for the sake of this thinking exercise.
People choose all the time, and I believe our human natures persuade us to keep the world at arm’s length. In fact, I think most people work every day motivated by the desire to find a way to escape what we see and experience on a daily basis.
We do not want to shield ourselves from literally everything. No.
Most desire family within our circle, perhaps a few friends, and some of our favorite things. Yet, this does not change my position.
Most of what we do and see are hassles that we had rather not participate in. There is driving congested roads, putting on suitable clothes to venture outside, making appointment after appointment, working in some foreign environment, talking to people we had rather avoid, performing public tasks like shopping, filling out endless paperwork, and more. These things are part of life and seem to grow in number every year.
There is a reason why celebrities occupy a different existence than the rest of us. They have accumulated enough money to check out of life. They directly do not participate in what the rest of us know as reality. There is such a thing you might have heard of as f**! you money. Rich folks are able to say this to the rest of the world and go live in their cocoons.
I would say we would all like our individual private island, but this idea now has terrible connotations. So, nevermind.
Yet, a type of island is exactly what we seek, but I do not mean the kind surrounded by water. If you could dear reader, would you not push away most tasks and most people as far away as possible?
I think some will probably disagree with me, and I can understand why.
We like to think of all the good we would do with our riches. We could contribute to solving many of the world’s problems. Yet, we could offer help and give to charity from the comfort of our private estates, far removed from actually involving ourselves in the world we wish to help. Dear reader, you might be thinking that hiding away sounds unhealthy, and this might be true.
In my addiction, I sought solitude from literally everything. Social drinking was not my thing, and socializing was the opposite of what I was doing to myself.
No person was welcome. Drinking was many things for me, including a means to escape. I know many others who used substances to do the same.
I was so committed to hiding that I could not accept the sun coming up or the weekend turning into Monday. I fought against time itself, and there might be nothing more foolish than battling time.
Actually, I always had habit of staying up late. This started as a young child. You see, the world almost stops at night—especially in small towns like mine.
Other people go to bed, and the world softens. My only companion was late-night television comedy. There were no people left to judge me. You see, I cherished the night long before I picked up any drink.
Well, this was probably not a good habit, yet it was part of my reactions to living on earth. We can judge all we want, but many of us have these same responses to striving, day-after-day, to keep our heads above water. We wish to stop swimming, in other words.
Suburbia was invented to get away from the world. For those who can afford it, the suburbs offer a kinder, gentler, homogenized type of lifestyle.
Starting roughly in the middle of the twentieth-century, people wanted to flee the cities to a place deemed safer, quieter, and cleaner. There are less seas of people, all elbowing each other on mad scrambles to arrive at their destinations. Well, this was the premise anyway.
Suburbia is still the refuge of the rich or the upper-middle class. When given a chance, it seems most choose to live away from the heart of cities.
Sociologist Ray Oldenberg created the term “third places” for locations where folks congregate that are not work or home. Think of coffee houses, town squares, churches, or any other that meets the criteria.
Some have commented on the death of third places in contemporary America and argued that most no longer frequent shared spaces to mingle. I think this analysis is accurate and interesting.
We have a thriving coffee culture in America, and plenty of Americans go to their local or national-chain stores to sip their favorite drinks. But, we do not communicate with each other. Everyone occupies their own small bubble.
Coffee-shops are yet another way to abandon the world in favor of some kind of internal peace. People bring their laptops, phones, or headphones, and isolate themselves.
We have left third places, even in our small towns. Teens today are more likely to stay home, communicate through text or the computer, and target small outings with close friends. Back a million years ago, I remember young people gathered around the central block of town.
In general, we have left physical spaces in favor of cyberspace. People tend to use technology for whatever their hearts desire, and evidently we prefer to meet each other, if at all, using Internet connections.
The following is my inference, based on what I have witnessed from living in modern society. I think the more wealth one has, the less likely he or she is to see third places as meaningful. The poor are less likely to have phones and Internet service and are more likely to be found conversing at third places.
People say that technology can span huge distances and create human bonds. Yet, this is only true for those people who we desire to remain in our lives. It is not a large number.
Virtual third places can never replicate real ones where individuals meet face-to-face. When talking to another human in some physical confines, we must learn how to not-offend, uphold our part of a conversation, and depart gracefully.
Online, it is not necessary to sharpen our tools of communication. One does not have to find an exit strategy other than blocking or ignoring. We can always say our connection stopped working, or there is a problem with my phone or computer, or we can invent almost any other excuse.
Technology actually makes us more isolated, and this is the route people take who want to hide from much of the world. People make these small decisions all the time, day-after-day.
In their dreams, I imagine the average American envisions a mansion with high walls with a staff of people who are charged with venturing out into the world.
Yes, I still feel confident that most would choose to live separate from the rest of humanity if they could afford it. The next question is: What does this say about human beings?
We must investigate that old adage that goes like this: “Humans are social animals.” I am not sure this is entirely accurate.
All the faces I see when I am out and about, contain traces of desperation and irritability. I can see through the smiles that we think we must wear to appear normal.
We may not enjoy the conclusion reached here, yet that makes no difference to its validity. Running away from everything might harm our mental health, but I will leave that up to you to decide.
We had rather be in our pajamas (even though I have never owned pajamas), with little to nothing on our schedules for the day. The goal is to opt out of this existence and be alone with our technology. Maybe this is the new American Dream.
Thanks for reading.
You will enjoy my book. Get it here or wherever books are sold.
Whoever wrote, “Hell is other people” might have been onto something, or “on” something😊 I’d find an island too isolated. I’ve lived in the countryside and miss it now that I’m living in suburbia. Context matters, of course, and having a husband with a chronic illness means that medical assistance in the middle of the night is sometimes needed and dictates proximity to services. Ideally I’d have limited social interactions with the outside world because I’m very happy with my inside world. I’ve also had a big life, with strenuous outside adventures - work and play - so that probably influences my preferences now. I can’t think of anything better than whiling away long evenings into the wee small hours doing whatever I pleased and waking whenever I felt like it, preferably still in my pyjamas, paddling around in fluffy slippers. Oh, except for a huge library, swimming pool, kennels full of rescued dogs, full time cook and house cleaner and personal fitness coach😂 Thanks for your engaging essay🌟
A modest inheritance allowed me to partially retire. I'd fully retire (age 70) but I work with an underserved population who I compasionately serve. I enjoyed your article and pondered if I'd disappear to an island, but my current actions indicate otherwise. I'd never go openly, rockstar public like the "tech bros" if I were that wealthy, because it seems dangerous for the family.