Stoicism is Not for Me

Make sure you believe what you believe in

Photo by Roman Empire Times on Unsplash

Stoicism is an Internet darling and seems to be surging in popularity by the day. If only Marcus Aurelius was around now, he would be a beloved celebrity and frequent guest on various television shows. He would publish endless books, with each only slightly different from the previous one, headline speaking tours, and live in luxury. Of course, as a Stoic he would refuse all of that.

Actually, I imagine that if someone, somehow told the long-dead Roman emperor of his current fame, he would….do little to nothing. That is the kind of response I would expect from reading his legendary, Meditations.

I perused a chunk of Marcus Aurelius’ philosophy as part of preparation for teaching a World History class. Much of what he and other Stoics say are helpful commentaries about how to respond to the inevitable troubles of this world, but I have never been a fan of Stoicism as a prescription for living.

In the Roman Empire, Stoicism was influential among the elite. Much of what was new then, however, is now taken as rather obvious. That is not a criticism, but it is a suggestion that perhaps Stoicism is past its prime.

I respect the general tenor of what the great Roman emperor wrote, and it should be noted that he composed Meditations while waging war. As he wrote so long ago, we should indeed see all people as connected by a common humanity. What affects one part of our human family will have some influence on all of that family. This is a great observation.

Another one is that constant warfare influenced his writing and made him weary of the endless intrigues and contingencies he witnessed. As a sensitive person, he needed some method of coping. Furthermore, Aurelius probably sought a system to contain the violence within some usable mental framework that allowed him to carry out his duties and retain his dignity.

Stoicism can be viewed as a means to deflect anguish or other strong emotions and reroute them toward a nebulous “it just is.” Probably the most repeated part of this ancient philosophy is that we must only concern ourselves with what is under our control. As we now understand, we have power to change very few things in this life. Certainly, I can see how this logic is useful to a man of war.

It is also needful to us now—especially in the mental health community. One of my “Mental Health Ten Commandments” is to realize that we have less power than we wish to change situations outside of ourselves. This is necessary to have sound mental health and not become tossed around by everything that happens.

Though, I believe Stoicism goes too far in that it posits that almost everything, or perhaps everything, not sure, is determined before we ever play our part. In other words, that car accident, or your promotion, or your termination from your job, came about due to a thousand variables that formed over time and without your consent. Stoicism suggests fatalism.

Unaffected is a good word to describe Stoicism. Marcus Aurelius and the other practitioners of Stoicism indicated that we should behave and think like a great oak tree in a terrible storm. No matter the wind and all that occurs, the mighty tree is unmoved. No force is strong enough to uproot it.

The Stoics downplayed material success, and this is a positive. Practicing virtue in one’s life, to a Stoic, was reward enough. Yet, they ask too much out of us, and I think this is a fair critique.

The need for validation is real. If we only look at this writing business that many of us have undertaken, then I cannot be satisfied with only doing good work that is never seen or respected.

What I am saying intersects with Stoicism, because Stoics apparently wish us to be so self-reliant that rewards from without us are unneeded and even frivolous. It seems that Stoicism is mostly a mental exercise to maintain one’s strength, put things in some order of importance, and remain serene without the anxiety that many of us battle.

Deep thinkers like Marcus Aurelius entreat us to be mini-Rocks of Gibraltar who eschew most of our emotional side. Yet, human beings are not rocks. In my opinion, Stoicism instructs us to be close to unfeeling individuals, and this recipe is the same one that emotionally-vacant parents use to raise children who cannot connect with others or allow themselves to be vulnerable.

We all know people like that, and most understand that we cannot deny ourselves in this way. Mental health is partly an exercise to feel what you know as real and then be comfortable with those emotions.

The basics of this philosophy align too well with generations of men taught to be completely out of touch with their feelings. “Do not feel anything, young man,” has been close to the motto, and I bet you grasp how this attitude toward life leads to heartaches and tragedies.

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Despite all I have said, I never claimed to be a professional philosopher or an expert on Stoicism. My purpose is not to win all others to my kind of thinking, and that is a foolish thought to have, anyway. Although I believe in all that I write here.

I am a romantic, and I cannot escape emotional intensity any easier than pretending some part of my body is not there. Furthermore, would it be accurate to surmise that the world lacks enough people who take themselves too seriously? Could burying emotions be a solution for what ails us now? No and no, methinks.

As an artist, parts of Stoicism do not ring true and could never be my guiding light out the world’s darkness. I believe we need more authenticity, spontaneity, empathy, and tenderness. We should be more like ourselves and not less.

Stoicism exists on one end of the mental health spectrum, and on the other is what I term “Optimization.” I hear self-help gurus demand that we use every moment and opportunity to produce something of value. We must be at our best all the time and adhere to strict schedules, multi-task, and take on the entire world as if a superhero. Optimization espouses some good ideas but, as you already guessed, is not the answer that calms my spirit.

One routinely finds voices that urge “getting things done” as the premier pursuit of life. Just listen long enough and you will hear them.

In my strange brain, Optimization is worse than Stoicism. There is spirituality in the latter that I cannot find in the former.

Here is one for the substackers, only. Have you used the space at the top of your publication (or newsletter, or whatever you call it) to insert a beautiful banner of your choosing? I have been told that it is a good idea to not “waste space” and make it more likely for others to see me and subscribe. Well, that is not a bad idea. I wish I was less invisible.

However, this is an example of Optimization, and despite my best efforts, I failed at creating an image for that space and finally gave up on the idea. So, I guess I will have to live with the shame of not doing everything within my power to sell myself at every hour of the day.

Unfortunately, many sincere mental health advocates treat life as a commercial. Again, like with Stoicism, human beings turn into machines where our worth is based on calculations of what others expect us to do. I say no thanks. After years of self-battery, I am giving myself a break; the kind of flexibility to decide who I am and what I want. This is a gift we can only give to ourselves, because no one else can do this work in our stead.

Dear reader, if you have mental illness or just maintain an interest in your health, then please remember that you never have to jump on popular bandwagons, or any type of wagons at all. I am not sure what a bandwagon is, anyway.

I will continue to value Stoicism for what it is and not as a philosophy for the here and now. Stoicism has some wise lessons to teach, and Marcus Aurelius was one of the better, judicious, and level-headed of the Roman Emperors.

Rationalism has an important role to play. Come to think of it, I envision life itself as more of a play than a science experiment. Life is unreasonable, as we all know. Thus we should have passions that enliven us to act, frustrations that turn into righteous anger, and heartfelt love that make humans the best versions of themselves.

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Thanks for reading. Whatever your philosophy, you will find original stories here written by this human. You can subscribe for free. So, go ahead and do that if you don’t mind.