We Deserve More Appreciation

When our talents are unrecognized

STRAWBRIDGE IMAGE with Bing Creator

Do you feel you are fairly compensated/rewarded given your talent and effort? How about respect? Do others (those close or not) esteem you enough, or would you say you get too little respect?

If this were a poll, I honestly cannot predict the answers very accurately. Though, my life experiences indicate that some large percentage of people believe they are not appreciated or paid enough based on whatever good things they consistently offer. I believe almost every single man or woman who feels this way is correct.

I am thinking about praise from “society” more so than from people we know—but both can be part of the equation.

Everyone has felt underappreciated. Close family and friends will at some time, and maybe for a long time, take you for granted. It is human nature that we sometimes forget who really matters and those connections that are precious. Therefore, this is why my topic today relates more to sources of approval and disapproval apart from our “circle of trust.”

So assuming you might agree with me, what does this all mean?

Not everyone has the ability to recognize how good you are at something. Likewise, some talents are harder to notice than others. In addition to that, some folks have a blind spot and simply will never understand what you are doing. All this is true but difficult to breakdown in detail.

First, I think of all things artistic. The arts are important to me and how I think and process reality.

I could talk about the great artists who were not shown much love until after they passed away. Or, we could discuss how some brilliant work is so original that the average guy just doesn’t get it—or something along those lines. Let’s not though, because you are aware of all that.

Are you an idea person? If so, then “society” will never give you all the accolades you deserve. Oh, someone will marvel at your ability, but that will not last too long. That’s because our civilization remembers the “doers” longer, and with more plaudits, than the people who generate good ideas. Another way to express what I intend here, is that the end result matters to society more so than the inspiration for that result.

By the way, idea people tend to be artists. I am aware of my bias, which I think makes it alright.

But there are all manner of abilities out there that even the most observant people struggle to identify.

Now I want to talk a little while about “the facilitators” in life. Immediately, you have some idea of what I mean.

In sports, but especially basketball, certain players are crucial to winning but are not the stars or award-winners. The casual basketball fan does not get why they are so necessary to success. In many examples, the facilitators do not even start the game.

One outstanding quality of these players is the awareness of what not to do. The game is about movement and knowing when to go forward, stay back, or get in the way of the opposing team. It is also key to remain clear of the guys or ladies on one’s own team who are trying to do something positive to impact the game.

All that I said there can be summarized like this: facilitators understand how to stay out of a successful play a second before it materializes or stand squarely in the middle of a play the other side is trying to execute.

This is very similar to all kinds of life situations.

Everyone alive has been tasked with filling a role on a team. This is obviously true at work but with personal relationships too. Oh yeah, more than one person involved means we are now looking at a group (team) scenario.

Many conversations are like contests or, in my opinion, rituals. Therefore, the back-and-forth words, gestures, and body language have meanings deeper than the surface of what is happening.

Facilitators know subjects to avoid. They realize when it is time to stop praising themselves and adopt a humble tone. Changing the subject is a classic maneuver of the facilitator. Sometimes a confrontation is long overdue, and this is when we must stay out of the fight.

Facilitators also realize when to enter the trajectory of an emerging problem. I have felt when it is better to slow down the energy of some social gathering rather than letting those bad vibes spin into a tornado. Kind of on a similar note, sometimes it is wise to cease criticizing a person and allow the healing to begin.

Certain groups of people always find themselves in arguments, and this is because the team lacks that person with a talent for smoothing out the rough places. Yes, this is a talent. And a facilitator may live his or her entire life without receiving their rightful applause.

I cannot assure you with any confidence that someone will come along one sunny day and spotlight your singular gifts. That day may never arrive. You might remain underpaid and disrespected.

The most invisible people in America are those who achieve positive results on a predictable schedule. It does not matter the job, hobby, or whatever. I also am thinking about makers of intangible products like happiness. The consistently good make their talent routine by doing it over and over, and the rest of humanity begins to overlook them.

We are forced to notice and remark upon the irregular and the substandard. As it has been said in varying ways, the people who do not fulfill expectations receive lots of attention. The few outliers make the most noise, and so do the complainers.

None of this is fair, and I don’t see it changing.

Once we accept the reality of it, the next issue is: What do we do about underappreciation? How much does it matter to you?

The cool guy in the room might say, “Oh, my talent is reward enough, I am completely indifferent to what others think.” Maybe that is you dear reader, and it is not impossible that you are telling the truth.

As for me and most people I have known, it is useless to pretend that external validation does not matter. At the same time, I feel we must find a contentment that is not dependent on another’s judgements.

The yearning for approval is a feature of life that constantly causes our downfall. One way to define addiction is seeking relief from pain by everything except what is inside of us. Furthermore, we could look at relationships too and see the same lousy principle at work.

Here is some good news: People are attracted to human beings who are confident in themselves and what they do. Actually, I am not describing confidence as the world interprets it. It is a quality easily forged, and confidence can look a lot like arrogance.

Instead, think of inner peace. Once you realize that the world may not see your talents, and you are able to be okay with that, you take several steps toward serenity. A radiance surrounds this type of person I am speaking of, and I do not think that is hyperbole.

Now, get ready for even better news. The world is more likely to salute what you have to offer the more that you abandon the notion that worldly opinions matter. As you establish internal instead of external validation, life becomes fairer.

Is it not strange how this works? Oftentimes, we receive great things only after we no longer care about receiving them.

“Oh no, I do not want to be class president,” and then everyone votes for you.

Anyway. Let me be clear that I am not talking about tricks or reverse psychology. No, our inner peace must be legitimate, and it stings when we are treated unfairly.

Writers? Other artists out there? I am especially talking to you. Try to find strength through inner validation. Then, just maybe we will shine for all the world to see.

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