I, too, have heard that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I have also heard that the squeaky wheel often gets replaced. Consider replacing that unpleasant narcissist.
One thing I often thought dealing with these kind of people is not easy at all. It makes you feel like totally different person in other's eyes plus a person who is less expressive makes it a lot harder.
On a positive note_ I try to see things from their lens. Like everyone has a different story that they might be struggling with some don't even know why they reacted that way like in my experience it worked though I found they really are struggling with themselves by throwing it on others ... But eventually they realise it. (Although it's another topic and doesn't much relate to the central theme of this post)
Thank you so much. Well I think you demonstrate why nice people are at a disadvantage and how life can be hard for the nice. You are seeing so much in an ordinary exchange, where someone less sensitive would just say, oh what a jerk or something. I mean you are analyzing and taking a person’s point of view into account, but the mean don’t do that and will never be that thoughtful. Life is nuanced and, I know for me, I analyze everything when sometimes a direct action needs to take place. But I am not saying that I had rather be something else than nice.
I've dealt with plenty of these types and used to be of the mind that they're just bad and I need to be less friendly - not a criticism. I eventually realised the recurring theme, which is something that initially sounds counter-intuitive given common rhetoric about narcissism: each one I dealt with had a hole in their ego, and so it needed constant inflation. This is why they suck the air from the room and require all-eyes-on-them, even for bad reasons. You see misbehaving children do the same, to a lesser extent of course. All publicity is good publicity after all. Whenever we give someone attention, we are deeming them worthy of it by default - there's the ego boost they get.
In my current view, it has been better for me to consider my witness as intangible currency and that I should be a little more conservative in how I spend it. I have an abundance of energy, being a creative type and inclined to being friendly, kind, etc., and naturally the deflated-ego types are drawn to this. In other words, I used to give witness (help, a listening ear, and all the rest) to anyone and everyone who needed it. Now, though against my nature, I look for the signs and budget accordingly.
The sad aspect to it is, that the hole deflating their ego was certainly caused by something.
Thanks for this great commentary. I feel it. You are right about narcissists, and I sometimes use that word as shorthand for manipulators. Plus, it’s a hot topic. Your thoughts made me think of another commonly used term, energy vampires. I am glad you realize that you can’t let others steal your good vibes just to feed the giant hole. That never leads to anything good. Yes I also see manipulators as needing help but it’s hard to make them see it. So, I have little energy and have to realize I don’t owe anyone any help that is more than that person is willing to help themselves.
Thanks for reading and the compliment. Well not all the time. But there are plenty of people who look at life as the laws of the jungle. They are predators basically. But even more scary are the everyday people who are not bad but will
First, I’m singing no more Mr. Nice guy and then I’m singing the song with energy vampires in it. Lol
Reading this brought back memories of my marriage. 18 years of it. I’ve since learned to uphold boundaries I’ve finally been able to set for myself. If I feel any part of a red flag from anyone, I am now capable of removing myself from the situation. Still difficult, but I’m getting better at it. That wasn’t the case when I had to be friendly for my profession as a nice (I prefer the term kind) person. It’s almost like I blurred the lines of being friendly and being kind to everyone, giving too much of the benefit of the doubt vibe to all.
I appreciate your thought process and am super curious what your Human Design bodygrpah looks like now as I’ve been reading between the lines of your posts. Lol
around. I can relate, and I learned to be friendlier through teaching. But only somewhat. I hope you feel free now to be whatever you want to be. Boundaries are so important. Well I will have to look into what you are talking about to see my results. I am curious now too. I did look at it for a minute.
I, too, have heard that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I have also heard that the squeaky wheel often gets replaced. Consider replacing that unpleasant narcissist.
I like that, it's a great sentiment.
Oh, I be dencin’ my sass all up in my own house at the drop of a hat 🔥💃🏼
Thank you.
Wait, there’s a test for boundaries?
You know I don’t know what I’m doing by now….no I meant the HD thing.
Much relateable
Thank you for your writing, Strawbrige!
One thing I often thought dealing with these kind of people is not easy at all. It makes you feel like totally different person in other's eyes plus a person who is less expressive makes it a lot harder.
On a positive note_ I try to see things from their lens. Like everyone has a different story that they might be struggling with some don't even know why they reacted that way like in my experience it worked though I found they really are struggling with themselves by throwing it on others ... But eventually they realise it. (Although it's another topic and doesn't much relate to the central theme of this post)
Thank you so much. Well I think you demonstrate why nice people are at a disadvantage and how life can be hard for the nice. You are seeing so much in an ordinary exchange, where someone less sensitive would just say, oh what a jerk or something. I mean you are analyzing and taking a person’s point of view into account, but the mean don’t do that and will never be that thoughtful. Life is nuanced and, I know for me, I analyze everything when sometimes a direct action needs to take place. But I am not saying that I had rather be something else than nice.
How do you write so much and publish so frequently? It's good and helpful. But I'm baffled. You the GOAT straw
Thank you so much JP I really appreciate it. Well, publishing regularly has not paid off in subscribers. So, maybe it’s too much. I have no idea.
Well, you have my admiration and eyes when you want them.
I am grateful.
I've dealt with plenty of these types and used to be of the mind that they're just bad and I need to be less friendly - not a criticism. I eventually realised the recurring theme, which is something that initially sounds counter-intuitive given common rhetoric about narcissism: each one I dealt with had a hole in their ego, and so it needed constant inflation. This is why they suck the air from the room and require all-eyes-on-them, even for bad reasons. You see misbehaving children do the same, to a lesser extent of course. All publicity is good publicity after all. Whenever we give someone attention, we are deeming them worthy of it by default - there's the ego boost they get.
In my current view, it has been better for me to consider my witness as intangible currency and that I should be a little more conservative in how I spend it. I have an abundance of energy, being a creative type and inclined to being friendly, kind, etc., and naturally the deflated-ego types are drawn to this. In other words, I used to give witness (help, a listening ear, and all the rest) to anyone and everyone who needed it. Now, though against my nature, I look for the signs and budget accordingly.
The sad aspect to it is, that the hole deflating their ego was certainly caused by something.
Thanks for this great commentary. I feel it. You are right about narcissists, and I sometimes use that word as shorthand for manipulators. Plus, it’s a hot topic. Your thoughts made me think of another commonly used term, energy vampires. I am glad you realize that you can’t let others steal your good vibes just to feed the giant hole. That never leads to anything good. Yes I also see manipulators as needing help but it’s hard to make them see it. So, I have little energy and have to realize I don’t owe anyone any help that is more than that person is willing to help themselves.
This was a good read! Hate that being nice is considered a weakness nowadays 😕
Thanks for reading and the compliment. Well not all the time. But there are plenty of people who look at life as the laws of the jungle. They are predators basically. But even more scary are the everyday people who are not bad but will
Use your goodness to get what they want.
First, I’m singing no more Mr. Nice guy and then I’m singing the song with energy vampires in it. Lol
Reading this brought back memories of my marriage. 18 years of it. I’ve since learned to uphold boundaries I’ve finally been able to set for myself. If I feel any part of a red flag from anyone, I am now capable of removing myself from the situation. Still difficult, but I’m getting better at it. That wasn’t the case when I had to be friendly for my profession as a nice (I prefer the term kind) person. It’s almost like I blurred the lines of being friendly and being kind to everyone, giving too much of the benefit of the doubt vibe to all.
I appreciate your thought process and am super curious what your Human Design bodygrpah looks like now as I’ve been reading between the lines of your posts. Lol
Feel free to sing and prance, and sling sass all
around. I can relate, and I learned to be friendlier through teaching. But only somewhat. I hope you feel free now to be whatever you want to be. Boundaries are so important. Well I will have to look into what you are talking about to see my results. I am curious now too. I did look at it for a minute.